The Æsirian Code Of Nine in Marriage

By Emily Shelton, RFU Family Services

The Code of 9 applies to marriages just as much as our lives.

Honor

Honor is a foundation of marriage. In modern times where infidelity is in abundance, we hold ourselves higher. When others divorce for simply being unhappy, we listen, talk, respect what our partners say, and appreciate them.

Protect

We not only protect our families physically, but emotionally as well. Listen when your husband or wife doesn’t like your friends, there is always a good reason as to why. Single friends with current social ideals will give you advice to break the marriage. Protect your marriage, speak to our Gothar, speak to the men and women of our faith.

Flourish

With a family of 1 child or 8 children, children are the result of flourishing marriages. We can’t control what others do so you may be a single parent at this time. I urge you to go to RFU events or accept invites to our kindreds, bonus children will flourish with witnessing a strong marriage.

Knowledge

Know your partner, their dreams, ways of being loved, know what they value in your marriage. Know their favorite meal, flower, ritual, patron God or Goddess. The knowledge of your husband of your wife will bring you closer together in times of hardship internal or external.

Change

You will change in your marriage, being a couple is a big change from being single, becoming a parent is a big change from being a couple, and your interests will change with age. Talk to your husband or wife, talk about the changes you are feeling. Your husband or wife could be seeing changes in you that you have not noticed. In my case, my husband noticed postpartum depression in me before I could. Because of changes in habits or personality, knowledge of your partner will change.

Fairness

Marriage is never fair, it is not 50/50. The best I can describe would be 60/40 where you both are trying to be 60 and it’s okay to be 40. There will be a year of financial hardship and your wife may have taken on some of that burden, there will be hardship in motherhood and your husband will need to take some of the load. Time together even 10 minutes at night of talking one on one will make the marriage fair and whole.

Balance

Much like fairness balance will be uneven, work, children, your own parents, and siblings. All things that can affect your mental load and in turn your marriage. Finding a balance with it all will be a trial, communication will be key we cannot carry all of life on our shoulders. Be aware and take steps to restore a balance.

Control

Being in control of one’s anger is needed, and we cannot control others’ actions and words. We can control our reactions and responses, one way of doing this is leaving work stress at work calming yourself on the drive home, and if you are a stay-at-home mom telling your husband that you need to decompress. Support one another on these days.

Conflict

There is always a conflict and there is always a solution, table it until you have calmed down to bring it up again, hold hands and work your way through it immediately, meditate together, or set up a mediation with your Gothar.

Hail Raven Folk United!