When We Find Our Folk

By Heathor Clinkenbeard, Gythia Tru-Folk Kindred, Harvala Raven Folk United

Many of us have become frustrated with the world outside our own communities for a lot of reasons. We see a lack of responsibility, a lack of loyalty, people quick to throw each other away, and very little patience for one another.

But if we want something different, then we have to be something different.

When it comes to our own Folk, there has to be room for compassion. There has to be patience, tolerance, understanding, and a willingness to help one another grow.

Not everyone who walks through our door is going to arrive in the same place.

Some are just beginning. Some have never had real community before. Some are still learning how to communicate, how to contribute, how to be accountable, or even how to belong to something larger than themselves. Some may have spent years searching before they finally found people they can call their own. We should remember what that feels like.

When someone is genuinely trying, we shouldn't be looking for the first reason to push them away. We should be willing to teach, guide, correct when necessary, forgive when appropriate, and give people the opportunity to become better.

That is part of being Folk. Leading by example. Of course that doesn't mean we tolerate everything, over and over again.

But there is another side to this, and it is just as important. If you ask your Folk to have patience with you, you also have a responsibility to grow. Community isn't an excuse to remain exactly as you are while everyone around you continually makes allowances for you.

We offer classes. We study the lore. We talk about our values. We have calls, gatherings, rituals, discussions, opportunities to serve, and people willing to share what they have learned. All of those things are there for a reason. Take advantage of them.

Learn. Listen. Show up. Help. Develop your skills. Strengthen your character. Learn how to disagree without destroying relationships. Become someone your brothers and sisters can depend upon.

Our ancestors understood that an individual did not exist completely apart from family and community. Your actions affected more than yourself. Your reputation mattered. Your word mattered. What you contributed mattered.

I think sometimes we forget just how precious it is when we finally find one another. These aren't simply people we see at a blót once a month.

These become the people whose children grow up beside our children. The people sitting around our fires and tables. The men working, training, laughing, and building friendships together. The women learning from one another, supporting one another, and becoming sisters. We watch children become adults. We celebrate births and marriages. We bury people we love. We show up when someone's life falls apart.

Years pass, and somewhere along the way these people become family. That is worth protecting.

It doesn't mean we tolerate everything. Boundaries still matter. Standards matter. Sometimes someone refuses to grow, repeatedly harms others, or simply isn't willing to live by the values of the community. Compassion does not require us to allow destructive behavior.

But there is a big difference between someone who is struggling while trying to grow and someone who refuses to grow at all. We should know the difference. We should be harder to divide than the world around us.

That means sometimes swallowing our pride. Sometimes having the uncomfortable conversation instead of talking behind someone's back. We should never talk behind folks' backs, or about each other. Sometimes saying, "You need to do better." And sometimes saying, "I know you're trying. Let me help you." Sometimes guiding them to the right person who can help them. Both are forms of loyalty.

Imagine what we can build when we approach community this way.

Our children grow up knowing they belong somewhere. They grow up surrounded by adults who know their names, care about their futures, and teach them where they came from.

Our families aren't standing alone. Our elders have people around them. Our young people have teachers and examples. When someone falls, there are hands there to help them stand again, and an expectation that once they're standing, they will eventually become one of the hands reaching down for someone else.

That is Folk, not perfection. Not everyone thinking exactly alike. Not becoming irritated with one another. Family can absolutely drive you crazy.

But family also means we don't throw away something valuable every time things become difficult. We learn together, grow together, work together, celebrate together, and mourn together. We become better because we belong to something that asks more of us.

So have patience with your brothers and sisters. Help the new person. Teach what you know. Listen when someone is trying to teach you. Give grace when someone makes an honest mistake. And when you are the one receiving that patience, honor it by doing the work.

Become stronger, wiser, more dependable. Become someone worthy of the community you want to have around you. Because finding your Folk in this world is no small thing. When we finally find each other, we should cherish it. We should strengthen it. And we should do everything within reason to leave it stronger for the children coming behind us than it was when we found it.

Hail the Folk. Hail Raven Folk. Hail the Gods.